Group Therapy Benefit Backfires

Went to group therapy yesterday and came out with mixed emotions. Usually I walk away from these feeling pretty good – at least better than beforehand. And while I hate to admit it, I think a big part of my feeling better comes from hearing stories from people who are worse off than I am.

Not that I’m some sick sadist who relishes in the misfortunes of others, but I'd be lying if I said a big part of the value I get from group therapy wasn't in the relative progress and recovery I feel I've made compared to those earlier in recovery, or who have made bigger mistakes, been in my position and lost more, etc.. Again, I really don't see it as gaining from their losses, but recognizing that my situation could always be worse, and in many cases I’ve been where they are and have progressed from that point.

But today was different. There was indeed someone at the group who shared his personal history and situation, one that was far worse than mine. But his kind of worse was an order of magnitude greater than the the kind that has provided me with senses of accomplishment or progress in the past. He is dealing with with the combined challenges of substance addiction, as well as and doubtless the result of pretty clear Post Traumatic Stress Disorder stemming from his experiences being brutally tortured in his home land (an African country that I admit I can't recall).

Just so we're clear: I’m depressed and unmotivated, feeling sorry for myself and letting my family slip away from me because of overdue taxes and the stresses of work. This guy was tortured....beaten violently and otherwise violated, now living with memories that he said (and I believe) would necessitate the rest of us in group going through a separate therapy program if he told us the details of his memories. These memories he’ll never be able to forget - it’s no wonder he turned to substances to try to run from them, or at least dull them if for only a short time.

Wow, do I feel like a shmuck. Compared to this guy, I don’t have real problems; I’m dealing with the stresses of being a spouse, parent, employee...I’m being brought down – depressed and addicted - by the basic realities of being an adult. Grow up for God’s sake. Take on your responsibilities. Snap out of it, right?

I wish it were that easy. And frankly, I hope it may be easier now, having hearing just the tip of the iceberg of the story of man who has harsh, graphic, traumatic...real reasons to be dealing with depression and addiction. For feeling better off than this man - this survivor - has given no pleasure today.