At least one good thing to come from the last week is that it reminded me why this whole blogging exercise is a good thing.
If nothing else, I know first hand now that it’s good for both my addiction and my depression to share my thoughts, my battles and even my secrets In writing - even if virtually nobody else reads them, and even if I do it anonymously. Just getting these things off my chest, no matter how minor, feels at least a little good.
Why? My theory is that a lot of the things we (addicts or the depressed) are likely to write about are secrets in some way:
* Something shameful that we still haven’t admitted to anyone (e.g. pawning a dead relative’s wedding ring for less than a day’s fix of crack).
* The “making amends” conversations with friends and family (e.g. explaining why we just disappeared, why we stayed out of contact, why we still crave their forgiveness, etc.) that we’ve avoided having...in some cases for years.
* Especially for the type-A, usually dominant male people in a household, admitting to close friends and family – especially hard admitting to children, or younger siblings who have always looked up to you as a role model – that you have weaknesses, you’ve made mistakes, and you need help.
As those who have been through it already, the ironic twist to this notion of secrecy and avoidance is that actually confronting them is almost always less stressful or shameful, less draining of energy or self-esteem, than the countless hours and anxiety that we go through procrastinating and dreading them.
Meanwhile, the simple act of writing them down – the written confession or letter seeking amends – makes these tasks seem even a little less daunting. Hopefully just writing them out will get us closer to confronting the secret itself, but at a minimum it feels good to do, if only a little. And these days, a little bit of good is a lot more than we’re used to.
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