Not any more, partly because of a good session with my psychiatrist, but mostly because I've got bigger worries. I'm in big trouble with my wife, trouble like I haven't felt since I was using. I'm terrified and - no surprise - using it to avoid everything.
Here's what happened: Going through tax receipts a few weeks ago I found a $500 check from my bank. It was ages since I had any money in my pocket, so I cashed it. I wasn't taking it from anyone, no-one was going to miss it, so I figured I wasn't doing any harm in spending it.
By this week it was ancient history...until my wife picked up a voicemail from the place where I cashed the check. Turns out the check was "stale" (more than a year old) so I had to pay it all back. So in 30 seconds I went from "no harm" to:
a) keeping a secret and money from her,
b) for all she knows, spending all the money on drugs, and
c) adding $500 to the our debt, more than she's spent on herself in 6 months
I've got to run to group therapy now, so taxes won't get touched today, but hopefully I'll get something positive out of the group.
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