It's been months since my last use, since my "graduation" from recovery, and I'm still not "snapping out of" my rut. My family, my support network..almost everyone other than one of my doctors and therapists is losing patience.
As I've explained, my wife recently initiated a separation because a) I needed a change from my daily routine of hoping I would get something done, but ultimately and literally sitting on the couch doing nothing all day, and b) because she needed a break from me.
It's been over a month now and I'm getting more and more frustrated...with myself, and with her. I've got a part time job, I'm kicking the alcohol (last of my addictions other than cigarettes) and I'm making progress on my outstanding taxes (a looming problem that affects her, and has been going on for a couple of years now)...all what she told me were the requirements of me moving back in with the kids.
Yes, I've still got a lot of work to do, especially with the taxes, but isn't a month enough of a break/punishment? Worse still, she still responds to every statement I make about my depression and addiction issues with "how do I know?"
How long is it going to take for her and others to believe me again? How much separation/punishment is it going to take? Am I asking too much of the one person who has been my biggest support?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
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