Proctrastination Day 255: Conclusion

Suffice to say, five days wouldn’t have passed since my last progress report if I had something to brag about.

In spite of what I believe was genuine optimism on my part, Friday’s attempt to make progress on my years of overdue tax filings (corporate and personal) ended exactly like the 254 that came before it; that progress measuring precisely zero.

I watched another movie after The International. I spent a good hour simply leafing through bills and statements that had already been properly filed. And I found no less than three different ways of categorizing (a.k.a. making precariously balanced piles, almost inviting their tumble so as to give me a completely illegitimate excuse for my progress to be delayed further) the files that I had in front of me.

I’ll definitely be writing more about the issue of my taxes as they have been the bane of my existence for the better part of the past decade, both a direct and significant factor in the depression, anxiety and – ultimately as a result – drug abuse that I have battled in more recent years.

So why don’t I just do the work? It’s not difficult, mostly involving almost soothing data entry of expenses into a giant Excel spreadsheet I built for the purpose. The longer I put it off, the higher the anxiety and steeper the consequences. Not to mention that it’s not just me, but the financial status of my wife and children that rely on me getting it done.

The short answer is that I just don’t know. Again, more on this later, but the bottom line is that something gets in the way of me getting off the ground. It’s a case of an unstoppable force (taxes) meeting am immovable object (me), with the results so far being a stalemate. Something has to change.

On the plus side – and for my sanity, I have to remind myself of the pluses – Friday wasn’t all bad. In fact, from 5:30 onwards it was bliss; I was spending the first night with my wife and kids in a week, and the first in what will end up being 10 full days with them thanks to the holidays. And it has been bliss since then – being a father, a husband, a member of the family again for longer than 48 hours. It feels...human.

What’s more, I do actually have a reason to brag now that I’m writing this. As of this morning, it’s been a week since my last drink; a conscious decision, but one i really haven;t though much about since making it. I like this feeling, although Christmas dinners may present unique challenges.