Since picking my oldest son up from daycare on Friday night, all I’ve been doing is hanging out with my wife and the two boys, with a bit of extended family thrown in here in there. In spite of everything, the family continues to support me – even, and especially my in-laws – and make me like I’m still part of the gang.
For some reason, I feel like this week has been a holiday for me. Yeah sure, weeks have gone by before doing nothing but watch movies and tv all day, but those were not holidays; those were painful days crippled by depression, anxiety, fear of talking to people and more. Hardly relaxing, but this week...almost for the first time I can remember....I`ve actually enjoyed myself. Again, it`s been awesome.
The biggest factor by far has been being around my wife and kids almost 24x7. We even went to a Christmas pageant tonight...in a church! A year ago you can bet I would have found my way out of it and down to my dealer’s place for my own Christmas mass.
This week I've somehow been able to shut out the looming stresses that will begin again next week, so my biggest worries have been when to take the guys to the park, what movies to watch with them, and what to make for dinner. The Star Wars marathon on Spike has been a bonus too.
Now all this being said, two high-stress events are looming on the 48-hour horizon. They’re both Christmas dinners and they both represent potential black holes of anxiety. Recently I decided it made a lot of sense to cut booze out of my life, the fact that it’s been a week since my last drink, and my history over the last decade of just drinking my way through the holidays, I’m battling what drinking strategy to take with these two dinners.
Past tactics of drowning of sorrows away are out of the question, which leaves me with two options. One is to continue my abstinence right through the dinners and onto the new year, without so much as looking back. The other is to have just 2-3 drinks to relax a bit and increase the chances of my having a good time.
Right now I’m leaning toward the “just a few drinks” option, but even with the last week being relatively easy, I know it`s a risky move. With drinks flowing constantly I don’t know that I’ll be able to stop at just 2 or 3. It’s a slippery slope to 10 or 12, and reinforcing my (self fulfilling prophecy?) role as the obnoxious drunk of the family. If that’s not enough, I talked with my wife about it today and she openly admitted she would feel better if I just didn’t touch a drop.
On the other hand, as bad as I know it sounds, I know a couple of drinks will help me relax and ultimately have a better time. Plus, without so much as a couple, I can easily see myself having a terrible time, sulking in a corner about the fact that I can’t drink, and how much more bearable the night would be with only one or two glasses of wine.
Less than 24 hours until the first test, as I know it will be for countless others battling with similar issues. Good luck to you. Will report back with results, I hope not in five days with nothing to brag about.
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